School Years

As I am sure you have already gathered, my childhood was not a ”happy place” for me. School was... hard.

Although my need for social interaction was strong, it failed miserably time and time again. I was a child with very few friends. I was gifted, an over achiever, especially when it came to maths and any of my super focused interests, but in the social interaction that is such an important part of school going I would always recieve an unofficial ”F”. I was teased relentlessly in school, I was a very odd child and other children are quick to pick up that, and come down on it hard. My school years were not a happy time…

I remember being really confused at the time, why I would be picked last for soccer teams or track and field teams when I was so strong & the fastest (girl) runner in the school. To me, ability meant, or should mean everything. But that was not taking social skills into account, of course.

I never could understand why everyone else had friends and I didn’t, but I quickly learned that it was because was just “wrong”. I took the whole blame on myself and built an extremely low self esteem – because no matter how hard I tried to change and make friend, I just couldn’t. Some of the behaviors that needed changing I didn’t even know about and others are so deep rooted parts of me that they CAN’T be changed. These days, I no longer want to change them, but as a child it was hard.