Emmas Aspergers Trait List

In my Connecting The Dots post I promised you a list of some of the Emma-facts that have brought me closer and closer to the acceptance that I have Asperger. All of these items have been with me since childhood, and some have eased somewhat with age as I learned to use my intellect to live in a world that is not mine.

So here it is, the Aspie-trait-List (unsorted and growing)
Current, adult traits in this one.

• Eye Contact
  I have extreme difficulties taking and holding eye contact. It’s VERY uncomfortable, always has been. Even with people I love and trust, although it gets somewhat easier with them, for short periods of time. Its like it hurts. Or an very uncomfortable itch you can't scratch. Did you ever do something wrong when knowing it was wrong and you shouldn't do it - and you KNOW someone is watching you do it? That's how it feels.
  
• Special Interests 1
  Only one or maximum two at a time, excluding the older ones that sort of fade into the background but doesn't die - these are the interests that fill my time, my thoughts and my heart to the exclusion of most everything else (see below). Good if work or social related in any way (computers, processes), bad when it means I lock myself into my own mind and can do nothing else for a while. Like, when I started playing MUD.
  
• Special Interests 2
  Whenever I gain a new interest I focus on it to the exclusion of everything and everyone else.
• Special Interests 3
  When I’m in the middle of exercising my interest I forget to eat, and sleep, until I'm done.
• Special Interests 4
  I can talk for hours about my favorite subject and do not notice when the person I’m talking to looses focus/interest. Frequently. Embarrassingly. This is one of the biggest social faux pas. Much of the above is well hidden.
  
• Special Interests 5
  I have extreme difficulties staying focused when listening to things that do not connect to my areas of interest. Eg, I can't even pretend to be interested after a while. Falling asleep has happened...
  
• Difficulty with normal human function
  I need to be reminded to take a shower. Sad, but true. The same goes for brushing my teeth, changing my clothes and any and all that is encompassed in personal hygiene. I also have to be reminded to eat. And drink.
  
• Hyperflexibility
  As a child, I was extremely flexible. I slump when I stand. I lean on things all the time. These days I don't have muscle flexibility any more though, due to lack of physical movement, but my joints still bend.
• Bruises and bumps
  I’m very, VERY clumsy. I walk into things daily. I always have bruises. I knock things over. I stumble over my own feet. I trip on smooth floors. I walk into door frames. I got picked last for all the teams, for a reason.Thankfully, pain doesn't disturb me much (unless it can be used to get attention :)).
  
• NEED for order and rules
  I follow rules and regulations to create order in my life, and create and enhance the rules as I go along. It brings peace to my soul.  When a planned task is interrupted, even for a short while, I get very agitated. Too much of a disturbance for too long can/will lead to a meltdown.
  
• Alone time
  Although outgoing and social, I tire easily and completely from social interaction and need alone time to recuperate. I crave the social interaction, it just tires me to tears. After a weekend at the dogshows (like the one that just went by) I'm clobbered for days. It feels like I've run a marathon, in my head AND in my body. I need time alone from my loved ones too. It's hard to explain, especially to them, but that's just how it is. Better all around if I get it.
  
• Sleep issues
  I have insomnia, the true and nasty kind that even meds only have limited effect on. Also, I have frequent night mares and other dreams, all very vivid and life-like. I'll either oversleep or wake at ungodly hours. All in all, sleep is not a pattern for me at all. Sleep I take when I can get it, pattern or not.
  
• Memory 1
  I cannot remember peoples names, for the life of me. I also cannot remember their birthdays, phone number or, even worse, faces. This is a social handicap extraordinaire! I have learned that people can be somewhat forgiving if you don't recall their name, but less so if you don't recall them whatsoever. What a faux pas!
• Memory 2
  To make up for my appaling short term memory, I have an EXCELLENT long term memory, remembering word perfect, and in images, events and conversations from years back. It's like running a little film in my head and I know I have it right. 
• Speach
  I speak too much and, unless I concentrate, much too loud. This has gotten better with age but was extremely prominent as a child.
• Meltdown
  I have true "meltdowns" when the inner strain is too harsh, these usually manifest as anxiety attacks (leading to the behaviour listed in the items below). I try to remove myself from the situation before this happens, these days.
  
• Stimming/Rocking
  I hold myself and rock to comfort myself in bad situations. I have done this since I was a very small child and it really helps bring the monsters away and my equilibrium back. The worse I feel the lower to the ground I go (in extreme cases I'll end up lying in fetal position on the floor), but always arms around me and rocking. If I stand I may spin slowly also. I can't tell you how surprised I was to hear from my then therapist that this behavior was not "normal" and needed to be corrected. Corrected? But it HELPED!
• Stimming/Hurting
  On a more severe note, if feeling bad enough I will also ram my head into something hard, or at least slap myself (HARD) repeatedly - as the pain on the outside somehow seems to help relieve the pain on the inside. I don't feel a lot of physical pain anyway, so I have to hit hard to get through. It works a bit like biting your cheek when you stub your toe, only on a grander scale. Even I know that can't be healthy :S